an old pair of socks

One of the most shocking memories of feeling weird and different because of the photodermatitis was when I was in third grade. My mom was picking me up from school one afternoon and I remember leaving the school holding her hand. As we walked down a crowded street, I remember feeling my old and worn-out knee socks, with little elastic grip, starting to slide down my legs. A woman approached my mom with concern and fear. She asked what was wrong with me. She questioned if I had gotten sick – chicken pox or something similar and why I was in school if that was the case. I don’t remember what exactly my mom answered, but I imagine she answered the usual: “No, it isn’t chicken pox and it isn’t contagious”. What I do remember is how I felt. I think about that day a lot and from time to time I wish I could erase it from my mind.

For the longest time I hated knee socks. You see, I grew up in a household with four siblings and my mom and dad. They could not afford new clothes for me often and I couldn't just come and ask for a new pair of socks, so whenever I did my laundry, which I did by hand, I tried very hard to not mistreat my socks. Knee socks became a big part of my life. Every night, mom would make me wash my arms and face, and sometimes my legs too. She would rub whatever ‘miracle’ cream she had recently acquired on my skin and then put a long pair of socks on my arms. She believed that the socks would keep me from scratching and breaking my skin at night while I was asleep. Every morning she was disappointed when those socks were found at the end of the bed. I would feel ashamed knowing I couldn’t kept those socks on my arms, but I was most ashamed of the bloody stains that my broken skin had left behind.

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What an irony, I love knee socks now! 

I want to have a pair of knee socks for each day of the year. Each pair with a unique color and pattern, so I can laugh at the fact that Fall & Winter won't have enough days for me to wear them all. We can't choose how things affect us, but we can definitely embrace them and make the best of them possible. If we can accept everything about ourselves -- our skin, our bodies and we learn to embrace it, soon we'll be laughing about the situations we once found devastating. 

:: Snow  |  27ºF  Feels like 13ºF  |  skin is calm, but dry